Take me out to the ball game….

First Base– This would be the first 3 months of a relationship. According to a good friend of mine, as “He” so called it, the honeymoon is over with after the third month. 

“If a girl starts out all casual with a guy and she doesn’t tell him that she wants a relationship, it will never become a relationship. If you give the guy the impression that casual is okay with you, that’s all he’ll ever want. Be straight with him from the start. If he gets scared and runs away, he wasn’t right for you.” ― Susane Colasanti

Second Base– Is considered the 6 months into the relationship where things start getting serious. When this second base starts, it’s when women want more than just to be a “cool chic” to go out with. 

“Unless commitment is made, there are only promises and hopes; but no plans.” ― Peter F. Drucker

Third Base– By the time you reach this 3^rd base, you should be 9 months into the relationship.  The relationship should be fully established.  Though you start to think if the past 6 months were worth it and if you can tolerate each other.   Remember in this base that “Desire” is the key to motivation. 

Home Plate– If you’ve made it this far, you have reached your full year, you are definitely ready to move on. At this point, you are both agreeing to share your lives together.  Remember that connections are made with the heart.  If you’ve struggled to get to this stage and the relationship has been like a rollercoaster ride, run and run fast.  If you are not sure at this point, do not stay with him/her for all the wrong reasons. 

“I didn’t think I belonged here in her world, a boy stuck between two lives, dragging the dangers of the wolves with me, but when she said my name, waiting for me to follow, I knew I’d do anything to stay with her.” ― M. Stiefvater

 

The Grass Is Not Always Greener on the Other Side

Some people like to tell you more than anything how good things are for them, or how wonderful their life is. Their words make things appear much better than what it actually is, but if you take a step back and look at the bigger picture, their grass isn’t as greener as it appears to be.

I have a friend who has been married to her husband for about 15 years, beautiful family with two wonderful kids. Like any other couple in this fast pace world we live in, they’ve started to have some problems. Though problems just don’t start from one day to the next, they develop gradually. Most of what I heard from her was how other’s seem to ‘have it together’, and she just can’t seem to ‘get it together’.

Everyone has faults and no one is perfect; neighbors and friends always look better on the other side. Don’t imagine that someone’s life is better; you’ll only see the cover of the book, you’re not actually looking at the pages.

Do not turn away from your reality because you think that someone has a better or different life than you. Make the most of what you have and deal with it. The grass is not always greener on someone else’s garden.

“Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for.”
―Epicurus

He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not…

You love him, but you spend more time crying than laughing. You’re not getting along with your significant other and yet there’s a day that you do get along; your relationship feels like a rollercoaster ride instead of being in the honey moon stage, why are you still hanging on? In an argument, he’s telling you to leave, and the next day he’s saying that he loves you. How crazy is that? Do you know what century we are living in?

You need someone you can grow with and will make you a better person. Someone who is interested in what you have to give. Someone that will bring the two of you closer together; yet I know that sometimes our greatest difficulty is leaving someone we love.

Love has the ability to hurt when it fails, and it’s hard not to take it personally because it makes you feel like a failure every time you let go of a relationship. Can falling in love be so powerful and infatuating? Is it so powerful that you fall head over heels into an obsession with the other person?

Even if you make mistakes, remember that every life’s experience is a growth opportunity, a lesson learned. Have faith in yourself. Choose to get the most out of what this life has given you, have self respect and dignity. Laugh and cry, grab a box of Kleenex and cry all afternoon if you need to. When you are ready to let go you will, at the end, he will be sorry he lost you.

Remember what an incredible woman you are and don’t forget to dance while your heart heals.

“For some reason I believed that if you fell in love it was a guaranteed thing that your path would cross with his, and I never wondered how if would feel to fall in love with a man whose future just couldn’t include you.”
― Laura Pritchett

Love and Loss…

A friend of mine has been struggling lately with her relationship.  A lot goes into a relationship and it’s hard to determine whether to let go or continue holding on.  The end of any relationship is difficult and if it doesn’t work out, the hardest part is coping with the break-up.  You allow people to get close to you; you make them a part of your life and a fear of mixed emotions float through your mind.

It’s hard to lose someone you care about; it’s like losing a part of your life.  And the hardest part is coping with the pain you feel.  If you are angry or hurt, let yourself be angry and hurt, it’s normal.  Though you are missing him/her like crazy, spend time with your family and friends.  Try hard to focus on the present and keep in mind that you are not alone.  Remember that very few people get to know us as we really are.  Keep an open mind and an open heart.

In the words of Alfred Lord Tennyson, “Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all”.

Feeling Safe In Your Own Zone…

Have you ever thought that one of the reasons that you don’t date is the fact that you feel safe in your own zone?  You don’t have to worry about someone turning you down or cancelling a date after you’ve been looking forward to it all day long.  And let’s not mention the emotions which you feel going haywire as you think that you’ve finally met someone special.  Suddenly the fear of dating could very well hit you like a bulldozer.  Meanwhile you just realized that the so called “fear of dating” has been hiding as an excused all this time under you trying to focus on your career and not having time for anything else.  What happens after this?  From experience I will tell you.

You meet someone that changes your daily routine, not to mention your whole world and before you realize it, you’ve just gotten yourself on top of a rollercoaster ride, that’s when you begin to doubt yourself.  The barrier that you had between yourself and the dating world, suddenly starts chipping away and you start feeling some anxiety, nervousness and  fear.  You start examining yourself more.  Does this dress compliment my figure? Are my thighs too big? Is my hair too curly?  What the heck just happened?  

At this point, you’re already in the ball park.  You have two choices.  Your first choice will be your safe zone which is quickly backing away and continuing to live the life that you’ve lived up to now, which is the life that you feel comfortable in.  Your second choice is to go for that feeling that you haven’t had in a long time.  The feeling of having someone not only wine and dine you, but having someone that listens to you, someone that you can have an adult conversation with, someone that you actually feel some kind of connection with and that the two of you feel naturally comfortable with each other.  The smile that begins to form on one’s face when the phone rings or the excitement of receiving a text message.  Scary isn’t it?  (As my cousin would say, Hell to the Yeah!)

My suggestion, make the choice that is right for you.  When in a relationship, there are going to be moments where you are going to feel scared.  It’s natural for us to feel this way.  And yet, at the same time, don’t lose the opportunity to be with someone that you really like, someone that you feel attracted to.  Just to find someone that might actually understand you is definitely worth playing in the ball park.  Learn from your own experiences and not from the experience of others.  Always remember, make your own choices and your own destiny, let no one make them for you.  Embrace it, Enjoy it, let it be your own risk, your own happiness and your own experiences.

Cupid’s Golden Arrow

Valentine’s Day is the most romantic day of the year and if cupids arrow has pierced your heart, enjoy the moment.   It takes someone special to capture your heart.

If you don’t have someone special next to you, remember that you don’t need to be in a relationship to celebrate Valentine’s Day.  Dedicate this time to yourself and anyone you love, go out with your friends, take this time to pamper yourself, order take out  and unwind in front of the television watching a romantic movie having ice cream and chocolates.

As for me, I’ll be watching the movie “Sex and the City” digging into a pint of chocolate mint ice cream.

Happy Valentine’s Day. 

Welcome to the New Year 2014

Readers:

May this year be prosperous for you and your family.  May it also bring you peace and happiness.  For the single people out there, may you find the love of your life, the one person you just can’t live without.  And for the married couples, may you continue to strengthen your relationship this year and for the future years to come.

Stay committed to each other, respect each other at all times, put each other first and remain open, honest and faithful.

Good Luck this New Year.

Just how much are we willing to compromise?

Women and men definitely don’t react the same way, they don’t think the same way and when it comes to seeing eye-to-eye, compromising definitely needs to come to term.  Why is it so hard for women to say no, yet it comes very easy to men? When a guy doesn’t want to do something, he can very easily say no, there’s no hesitation at all.  Is it because women are always trying to play nice? This is a lesson I should have learned from my friends and their dates.

It’s even harder for a woman to break up with a guy, especially if he’s a nice guy, yet men, as nice as a woman can be, if they are not feeling it, they will break up with you in a heartbeat, not mattering how nice you were to him or anyone else.  Have you notice men move fast after a split and women dwell in their sorrows? How can we be so confident in other areas and yet so brainless when it comes to relationships?

One of the things that bother me most is when I hear any one woman say to another “your standards are too high.”  Are you kidding me?  If we all lived by the same standards we would probably all fall for the same guy.  And what are women insinuating when we say that to each other, that our standards shouldn’t be high? Should we settle? Because if there’s anything that we should not do is settle.  Especially settling for the wrong guy; if you are going to settle, do it with the right person, besides you’ve waited this long. Women have great intuitions, we know when the right person comes along, we even know on a first date if it’s going to work out or not. I would go as far as to say that we even know (on a first date) just how much we are willing to compromise if none at all.

My advice: Enjoy time for yourself, enjoy your own space and ask yourself, What Do I Really Want?