The Grass Is Not Always Greener on the Other Side

Some people like to tell you more than anything how good things are for them, or how wonderful their life is. Their words make things appear much better than what it actually is, but if you take a step back and look at the bigger picture, their grass isn’t as greener as it appears to be.

I have a friend who has been married to her husband for about 15 years, beautiful family with two wonderful kids. Like any other couple in this fast pace world we live in, they’ve started to have some problems. Though problems just don’t start from one day to the next, they develop gradually. Most of what I heard from her was how other’s seem to ‘have it together’, and she just can’t seem to ‘get it together’.

Everyone has faults and no one is perfect; neighbors and friends always look better on the other side. Don’t imagine that someone’s life is better; you’ll only see the cover of the book, you’re not actually looking at the pages.

Do not turn away from your reality because you think that someone has a better or different life than you. Make the most of what you have and deal with it. The grass is not always greener on someone else’s garden.

“Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for.”
―Epicurus

He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not…

You love him, but you spend more time crying than laughing. You’re not getting along with your significant other and yet there’s a day that you do get along; your relationship feels like a rollercoaster ride instead of being in the honey moon stage, why are you still hanging on? In an argument, he’s telling you to leave, and the next day he’s saying that he loves you. How crazy is that? Do you know what century we are living in?

You need someone you can grow with and will make you a better person. Someone who is interested in what you have to give. Someone that will bring the two of you closer together; yet I know that sometimes our greatest difficulty is leaving someone we love.

Love has the ability to hurt when it fails, and it’s hard not to take it personally because it makes you feel like a failure every time you let go of a relationship. Can falling in love be so powerful and infatuating? Is it so powerful that you fall head over heels into an obsession with the other person?

Even if you make mistakes, remember that every life’s experience is a growth opportunity, a lesson learned. Have faith in yourself. Choose to get the most out of what this life has given you, have self respect and dignity. Laugh and cry, grab a box of Kleenex and cry all afternoon if you need to. When you are ready to let go you will, at the end, he will be sorry he lost you.

Remember what an incredible woman you are and don’t forget to dance while your heart heals.

“For some reason I believed that if you fell in love it was a guaranteed thing that your path would cross with his, and I never wondered how if would feel to fall in love with a man whose future just couldn’t include you.”
― Laura Pritchett

The Perfect Man…

Women may dream about finding prince charming, but does he really exist?  Some of us spend our whole lives searching for the perfect man, though each of us have our own ideas of what a perfect man should be or should look like.  Women’s taste changes as we get older and our idea of a ‘perfect man’ could exist for every stage in our lives.

Example:  As a man matures, it’s important for him to be well educated, hard working, as opposed to being an athletic or good looking.  Also someone that is honest and trusting are two important factors along with communication.  So as a woman, what is it exactly that we are searching for?

Do we really need a perfect man or do we just need a special guy who can accept us the way we are and makes us feel special? I know that I am not perfect, I think that none of us are, we should just look for someone who can make us happy.   And if you are with someone, and that person doesn’t make you happy, maybe you just haven’t met him yet.

P.S.

To the one I love, you might not be the ‘Perfect Man’, but you are definitely the perfect man for me.

Love and Loss…

A friend of mine has been struggling lately with her relationship.  A lot goes into a relationship and it’s hard to determine whether to let go or continue holding on.  The end of any relationship is difficult and if it doesn’t work out, the hardest part is coping with the break-up.  You allow people to get close to you; you make them a part of your life and a fear of mixed emotions float through your mind.

It’s hard to lose someone you care about; it’s like losing a part of your life.  And the hardest part is coping with the pain you feel.  If you are angry or hurt, let yourself be angry and hurt, it’s normal.  Though you are missing him/her like crazy, spend time with your family and friends.  Try hard to focus on the present and keep in mind that you are not alone.  Remember that very few people get to know us as we really are.  Keep an open mind and an open heart.

In the words of Alfred Lord Tennyson, “Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all”.

Feeling Safe In Your Own Zone…

Have you ever thought that one of the reasons that you don’t date is the fact that you feel safe in your own zone?  You don’t have to worry about someone turning you down or cancelling a date after you’ve been looking forward to it all day long.  And let’s not mention the emotions which you feel going haywire as you think that you’ve finally met someone special.  Suddenly the fear of dating could very well hit you like a bulldozer.  Meanwhile you just realized that the so called “fear of dating” has been hiding as an excused all this time under you trying to focus on your career and not having time for anything else.  What happens after this?  From experience I will tell you.

You meet someone that changes your daily routine, not to mention your whole world and before you realize it, you’ve just gotten yourself on top of a rollercoaster ride, that’s when you begin to doubt yourself.  The barrier that you had between yourself and the dating world, suddenly starts chipping away and you start feeling some anxiety, nervousness and  fear.  You start examining yourself more.  Does this dress compliment my figure? Are my thighs too big? Is my hair too curly?  What the heck just happened?  

At this point, you’re already in the ball park.  You have two choices.  Your first choice will be your safe zone which is quickly backing away and continuing to live the life that you’ve lived up to now, which is the life that you feel comfortable in.  Your second choice is to go for that feeling that you haven’t had in a long time.  The feeling of having someone not only wine and dine you, but having someone that listens to you, someone that you can have an adult conversation with, someone that you actually feel some kind of connection with and that the two of you feel naturally comfortable with each other.  The smile that begins to form on one’s face when the phone rings or the excitement of receiving a text message.  Scary isn’t it?  (As my cousin would say, Hell to the Yeah!)

My suggestion, make the choice that is right for you.  When in a relationship, there are going to be moments where you are going to feel scared.  It’s natural for us to feel this way.  And yet, at the same time, don’t lose the opportunity to be with someone that you really like, someone that you feel attracted to.  Just to find someone that might actually understand you is definitely worth playing in the ball park.  Learn from your own experiences and not from the experience of others.  Always remember, make your own choices and your own destiny, let no one make them for you.  Embrace it, Enjoy it, let it be your own risk, your own happiness and your own experiences.

How Much Time Is Too Much Time?

I was at dinner the other day with my girlfriend when she was complaining about not spending enough time with the new man in her life.  Usually women want to spend more time with their significant other.  Though for couples today it’s hard to juggle work life, family life and/or other commitments, every couple is different and we all have different needs.

If you think you are not spending enough time with your significant other, that is a sign that you are not happy or that something is wrong.  You should talk to him and come to some kind of understanding or agreement.  Spend as much time together as you both think it’s necessary.

If a woman wants to spend more time with a man it’s because she is interested.   After all, if two people are dating, shouldn’t it come naturally?

Bartender can I have the bill?

It’s been a stressful couple of weeks.  I haven’t met my deadline to write my next article, and from things that I’ve wanted to do.  My girlfriend called and invited me to a bar.  Why not, I haven’t been out in a long time.

We were sitting at the bar talking about our favorite subject, men and dating. It’s interesting the things you notice when you’re sitting at the bar.  But what really caught my attention was a very handsome tall man with salt and pepper hair who walked in with a dark grey suite.  He sat at the bar, loosens his tie and asked the bar tender for a drink.  I noticed right away the wedding ring on his left finger, which is definitely the first thing a woman looks for when she sees an attractive man.

So going back to my subject, I wondered what a married man would be doing at a bar drinking by himself instead of going home to his wife.  If I were married to that man, I’d want him to come home and spend time with me not at a bar.  Then I thought…maybe he had an argument with his wife and he came here to blow off some steam, but then suddenly he started texting.

And he started texting with a smirk expression; this was definitely not the face of a man who just had an argument with his wife.  Oh, there he goes again, he loosen his tie some more.  Then suddenly he looked at me or my friend from across the bar and smiled.  I’d like to think that he looked at me.  I have to tell you that smile, hmm…that smile showed amusement.

I was bold enough to ask the waiter (trying to get a man’s opinion), what do you think of a married man who comes to a bar? The waiter responded, “Someone told me this a long time ago, I see nothing, I hear nothing and I know nothing”.   And you know what?  I finally got it, did you?

As for the ladies out there, a married man will never give you a serious commitment, and if he cheats on his wife, what make you think he won’t cheat on you.  We as women deserve so much more.  I personally want to be with someone that will go crazy over me, not crazy over someone else.   For the woman that must have been on the other side of the text, good luck with that relationship.