Take me out to the ball game….

First Base– This would be the first 3 months of a relationship. According to a good friend of mine, as “He” so called it, the honeymoon is over with after the third month. 

“If a girl starts out all casual with a guy and she doesn’t tell him that she wants a relationship, it will never become a relationship. If you give the guy the impression that casual is okay with you, that’s all he’ll ever want. Be straight with him from the start. If he gets scared and runs away, he wasn’t right for you.” ― Susane Colasanti

Second Base– Is considered the 6 months into the relationship where things start getting serious. When this second base starts, it’s when women want more than just to be a “cool chic” to go out with. 

“Unless commitment is made, there are only promises and hopes; but no plans.” ― Peter F. Drucker

Third Base– By the time you reach this 3^rd base, you should be 9 months into the relationship.  The relationship should be fully established.  Though you start to think if the past 6 months were worth it and if you can tolerate each other.   Remember in this base that “Desire” is the key to motivation. 

Home Plate– If you’ve made it this far, you have reached your full year, you are definitely ready to move on. At this point, you are both agreeing to share your lives together.  Remember that connections are made with the heart.  If you’ve struggled to get to this stage and the relationship has been like a rollercoaster ride, run and run fast.  If you are not sure at this point, do not stay with him/her for all the wrong reasons. 

“I didn’t think I belonged here in her world, a boy stuck between two lives, dragging the dangers of the wolves with me, but when she said my name, waiting for me to follow, I knew I’d do anything to stay with her.” ― M. Stiefvater

 

Can’t a Girl Dream?

I work in an office that’s about 80% women. And as women, we talk all the time, mostly about men. All the things I hear are basically the same things. The conversations are not about the dream home with a white picket fence, it’s about having someone to love and someone that will love you back. They want romance, or at least some romance, not a man that is clueless. I know that some men can be clueless when it comes to relationships. I read in an article that romance can be taught and trained, but if you like someone and you are really into that person, shouldn’t the romance just come naturally?

How wonderful could it be to have a man give you a call in the morning just to say hello and tell you that you’ve been on his mind since he woke up. Or just to have him call you in the middle of the afternoon at work just for one minute to hear your voice. Words have power.

I know that men and women think of romance differently, but can two people with such different perspectives have their expectations met?

When He Disappoints You…

First I’d like to start by saying that while many men may seem ideal after just a few weeks of dating, upon closer inspection, there can be warning signs that you should avoid a relationship with this person. After so much, ‘the we need to communicate talk, because I can’t read your mind.’ The communication should be balanced. And if a man says to you, ‘I’m a grown man and didn’t know I needed to report to you’. OMG…did he just say that, No Way! Whatever happened to some plain old common courtesy?

Second, If you feel that you are over calling or texting, than you probably are. Take a break and see if ‘He’ starts calling and putting an effort. If he doesn’t, Move On Sister! You deserve someone who wants to call you, talk to you and spend time with you.

Don’t let a man become the center of your universe. Apparently it’s a bad thing.

The Grass Is Not Always Greener on the Other Side

Some people like to tell you more than anything how good things are for them, or how wonderful their life is. Their words make things appear much better than what it actually is, but if you take a step back and look at the bigger picture, their grass isn’t as greener as it appears to be.

I have a friend who has been married to her husband for about 15 years, beautiful family with two wonderful kids. Like any other couple in this fast pace world we live in, they’ve started to have some problems. Though problems just don’t start from one day to the next, they develop gradually. Most of what I heard from her was how other’s seem to ‘have it together’, and she just can’t seem to ‘get it together’.

Everyone has faults and no one is perfect; neighbors and friends always look better on the other side. Don’t imagine that someone’s life is better; you’ll only see the cover of the book, you’re not actually looking at the pages.

Do not turn away from your reality because you think that someone has a better or different life than you. Make the most of what you have and deal with it. The grass is not always greener on someone else’s garden.

“Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for.”
―Epicurus

He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not…

You love him, but you spend more time crying than laughing. You’re not getting along with your significant other and yet there’s a day that you do get along; your relationship feels like a rollercoaster ride instead of being in the honey moon stage, why are you still hanging on? In an argument, he’s telling you to leave, and the next day he’s saying that he loves you. How crazy is that? Do you know what century we are living in?

You need someone you can grow with and will make you a better person. Someone who is interested in what you have to give. Someone that will bring the two of you closer together; yet I know that sometimes our greatest difficulty is leaving someone we love.

Love has the ability to hurt when it fails, and it’s hard not to take it personally because it makes you feel like a failure every time you let go of a relationship. Can falling in love be so powerful and infatuating? Is it so powerful that you fall head over heels into an obsession with the other person?

Even if you make mistakes, remember that every life’s experience is a growth opportunity, a lesson learned. Have faith in yourself. Choose to get the most out of what this life has given you, have self respect and dignity. Laugh and cry, grab a box of Kleenex and cry all afternoon if you need to. When you are ready to let go you will, at the end, he will be sorry he lost you.

Remember what an incredible woman you are and don’t forget to dance while your heart heals.

“For some reason I believed that if you fell in love it was a guaranteed thing that your path would cross with his, and I never wondered how if would feel to fall in love with a man whose future just couldn’t include you.”
― Laura Pritchett

Nothing wrong with a little experiment

Lots of friends seem to be starting the New Year with online dating.  I’ve never been a true fan of it, though I am beginning to understand why it’s getting more and more attention.

As I thought about it more and more, I realized a few things.  I was scared about running into the so called “Liars”.  Then you have the crazy people, the morons, and the perverts.  Afterwards I realized, it would probably be the same people that you could be introduced to at a party, by a friend, or on a blind date.  So what really separates the online daters with the off line daters?  Nothing at all.

Then you have the dreamers, the ones that just do nothing at all waiting for their soul mates to come knocking at their door.  I think every woman goes through this at one point in their lives.  What are we thinking?

On line dating has become a way to meet people that are not available in your everyday life, especially if your everyday life consists of work, work, and more work.  You need to find a balance in life, you need to get out and have a little fun. Are we starting to accept on line dating more and more as a way to meet people? It sure seems that way.  And yet, call me old fashion, but I still feel somewhat uncomfortable about it.

Be cautious, you truly never know who is on the other side of the screen.  Remember, anyone can say or write all they want on paper, even the dreamers.

She loves you for who you are

My Editor is dating, finally! I’ve known her for 3 years and this is the first time she has ever mentioned someone of the opposite sex. With the scrap of experience that I seem to have, because believe it or not, I do think I give good advice, she very little comes to ask me for advice. Mostly because I think that she is somewhat “shy” in talking about herself. My opinion…at this point in life, who cares. A relationship is a relationship no matter which way you try to color it.

Besides all that has been said, the man she seems to be dating is really cute and by what I’ve seen on pictures, they make a good couple. I was thinking last night how glad I am that she is dating someone that makes her happy. And yet at the same time I was thinking, I wonder if he knows how lucky he is?

Guard your heart until you know you are with the right person. When the right person is right next to you, everything else just falls into place. And the number one foundation that all relationships need to have is “Trust.” Relationships are never perfect; no relationship will run smoothly and they require lots of work, in a positive way. Find things you both enjoy doing and commit to spending the time together.

“He’s not perfect. You aren’t either, and the two of you will never be perfect. But if he can make you laugh at least once, causes you to think twice, and if he admits to being human and making mistakes, hold onto him and give him the most you can. He isn’t going to quote poetry, he’s not thinking about you every moment, but he will give you a part of him that he knows you could break. Don’t hurt him, don’t change him, and don’t expect for more than he can give. Don’t analyze. Smile when he makes you happy, yell when he makes you mad, and miss him when he’s not there. Love hard when there is love to be had. Because perfect guys don’t exist, but there’s always one guy that is perfect for you.”

-Bob Marley

Why are women given the wrong message?

I love that Jerry Maguire movie when he says to her “you complete me.” Why are we given the wrong message? I think it started with “daddy’s little girl,” where our fathers not only made us feel safe from the world around us, but also made us feel as if they were our protectors. And as we grew up we realized our parents CAN help us, but they CANNOT protect us from the world around us. However, we do hope that someday we will meet our very own prince, the one person that will come to our rescue to save us in our most needed moments.

Or…does it start in pre-school when for the first time a boy calls you a nasty name and you go home crying to mom and she tells you not to pay attention, “that boy probably likes you.”

Then you move on to middle school, if a boy doesn’t talk to you, it’s because he’s shy. And then you jump into high school. If you give a boy your number and he doesn’t call, your girlfriends will say, “it’s probably because he lost it.” Or if he cancels on a date, it’s not about you, “I’m sure he really had a good reason.” Finally, you’ve reached the stage of adulthood and that’s when we learn those famous words that take us through the rest of our years, “Emotionally Unattached.” Are you kidding me? Why have we made up excuses for men all our lives? I certainly would like to know.

Is it hard not to have any more excuses?

You never know where you might find a friend or not…

Haven’t seen an ex-boyfriend in years, and till this day I still have no intentions of seeing him. Recently my air conditioner broke and I’ve been shopping around for an estimate. Somehow, by a mutual friend, the ex-boyfriend found out about my air conditioner and search for prices. When I came home from work my mother asked, “How much did the air conditioner cost?”

“What air conditioner?”

I started walking towards the back yard and there it was. My ex had delivered a new air conditioner unit.

My best friend keeps in touch with her old boyfriends. I never understood why. I’ve never been the type to stay friends with ex-boyfriends. I am definitely a strong believer that if a relationship doesn’t work out while you’re in it, then what’s the point of keeping in touch after it’s over with. It’s like a bad marriage, after it’s over with, unless you have kids together, what’s the purpose of keeping in touch? and really “who cares?”

With the act of kindness that I was just shown, I guess that some relationships might be good to keep. But I have to confess, that after a couple of bad bruises on the ego, his lame excuses that really sucked, and some nights spent eating chocolate mint ice cream, an EX should be crossed out on the list of people worth remembering. I wonder if ex-boyfriends respect the title that they now have.

AND…If and when he calls, sincerely thank him. If he continues to call, turn off your cell phone and start going back into the chocolate mint ice cream you still keep in your refrigerator. After all, you won’t find out later that the chocolate mint ice cream you were having cheated on you.

To my new friend, Opinionated Man

Loved your blog, just loved it.  Especially the one titled “Women are Crazy.”  It made me laugh, which is a good thing.  Though let me clarify a few things for you.  When a woman decides on a topic all by herself, without the opinion of a man, it’s mostly because men usually can’t make up their minds.  Or we know that we will hear those words “Whatever you want honey.”  Which to us means, “We don’t care, just do whatever you want.”

Secondly, when you say to a woman “Absolutely right honey…” now those words are the key to a great marriage.  Why argue? Why would you even consider arguing with your significant other?  I’m pretty sure if you ask any man that has been married over 20 years, he would agree with this.

Lastly, why would a woman even consider talking about a subject that we know nothing about?  I don’t want to be cruel, but really it’s like a bad relationship, “If not interested, NEXT.”

And yes, at the end of the day, women are crazy.  Crazy to meet that perfect guy, crazy to fall in love, crazy to marry him and we definitely want a man to go crazy over us.

p.s.

You are a great writer.