Till We Meet Again…

This will be my last article.  For the past two years, I’ve been writing about women, men, relationships and family.  I hope that all who read, enjoyed what I had to say, I truly enjoyed writing it.  Throughout this time, most of the things you’ve read, you’ve already known, it’s just that sometimes hearing it from someone else confirms what you’ve already known.  Don’t know if this makes much sense to you.  I encourage you not give up on love or finding that someone in your life.  If a relationship is not working for you, don’t be scared to venture and look for someone else.  I believe that we are all born with a destiny and that there are two paths to take, it’s your choice to decide. 

If you are in a relationship, do special things for the other person that you’ll know he or she will notice. Have passion in your relationship as well as in your life.  How wonderful it is to live the passion of it. 

For relationships that have found love and lost it, how lucky you have been to have experienced it.  For reality is that some of us never find it. 

And for those who are still waiting to find love, don’t get discouraged because it will happen.  When you find someone who loves you for who you are, what an amazing experience you will have.

LIVE LIFE, BE HAPPY, AND ENJOY IT!

Take me out to the ball game….

First Base– This would be the first 3 months of a relationship. According to a good friend of mine, as “He” so called it, the honeymoon is over with after the third month. 

“If a girl starts out all casual with a guy and she doesn’t tell him that she wants a relationship, it will never become a relationship. If you give the guy the impression that casual is okay with you, that’s all he’ll ever want. Be straight with him from the start. If he gets scared and runs away, he wasn’t right for you.” ― Susane Colasanti

Second Base– Is considered the 6 months into the relationship where things start getting serious. When this second base starts, it’s when women want more than just to be a “cool chic” to go out with. 

“Unless commitment is made, there are only promises and hopes; but no plans.” ― Peter F. Drucker

Third Base– By the time you reach this 3^rd base, you should be 9 months into the relationship.  The relationship should be fully established.  Though you start to think if the past 6 months were worth it and if you can tolerate each other.   Remember in this base that “Desire” is the key to motivation. 

Home Plate– If you’ve made it this far, you have reached your full year, you are definitely ready to move on. At this point, you are both agreeing to share your lives together.  Remember that connections are made with the heart.  If you’ve struggled to get to this stage and the relationship has been like a rollercoaster ride, run and run fast.  If you are not sure at this point, do not stay with him/her for all the wrong reasons. 

“I didn’t think I belonged here in her world, a boy stuck between two lives, dragging the dangers of the wolves with me, but when she said my name, waiting for me to follow, I knew I’d do anything to stay with her.” ― M. Stiefvater

 

Can’t a Girl Dream?

I work in an office that’s about 80% women. And as women, we talk all the time, mostly about men. All the things I hear are basically the same things. The conversations are not about the dream home with a white picket fence, it’s about having someone to love and someone that will love you back. They want romance, or at least some romance, not a man that is clueless. I know that some men can be clueless when it comes to relationships. I read in an article that romance can be taught and trained, but if you like someone and you are really into that person, shouldn’t the romance just come naturally?

How wonderful could it be to have a man give you a call in the morning just to say hello and tell you that you’ve been on his mind since he woke up. Or just to have him call you in the middle of the afternoon at work just for one minute to hear your voice. Words have power.

I know that men and women think of romance differently, but can two people with such different perspectives have their expectations met?

When He Disappoints You…

First I’d like to start by saying that while many men may seem ideal after just a few weeks of dating, upon closer inspection, there can be warning signs that you should avoid a relationship with this person. After so much, ‘the we need to communicate talk, because I can’t read your mind.’ The communication should be balanced. And if a man says to you, ‘I’m a grown man and didn’t know I needed to report to you’. OMG…did he just say that, No Way! Whatever happened to some plain old common courtesy?

Second, If you feel that you are over calling or texting, than you probably are. Take a break and see if ‘He’ starts calling and putting an effort. If he doesn’t, Move On Sister! You deserve someone who wants to call you, talk to you and spend time with you.

Don’t let a man become the center of your universe. Apparently it’s a bad thing.

The Grass Is Not Always Greener on the Other Side

Some people like to tell you more than anything how good things are for them, or how wonderful their life is. Their words make things appear much better than what it actually is, but if you take a step back and look at the bigger picture, their grass isn’t as greener as it appears to be.

I have a friend who has been married to her husband for about 15 years, beautiful family with two wonderful kids. Like any other couple in this fast pace world we live in, they’ve started to have some problems. Though problems just don’t start from one day to the next, they develop gradually. Most of what I heard from her was how other’s seem to ‘have it together’, and she just can’t seem to ‘get it together’.

Everyone has faults and no one is perfect; neighbors and friends always look better on the other side. Don’t imagine that someone’s life is better; you’ll only see the cover of the book, you’re not actually looking at the pages.

Do not turn away from your reality because you think that someone has a better or different life than you. Make the most of what you have and deal with it. The grass is not always greener on someone else’s garden.

“Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for.”
―Epicurus

He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not…

You love him, but you spend more time crying than laughing. You’re not getting along with your significant other and yet there’s a day that you do get along; your relationship feels like a rollercoaster ride instead of being in the honey moon stage, why are you still hanging on? In an argument, he’s telling you to leave, and the next day he’s saying that he loves you. How crazy is that? Do you know what century we are living in?

You need someone you can grow with and will make you a better person. Someone who is interested in what you have to give. Someone that will bring the two of you closer together; yet I know that sometimes our greatest difficulty is leaving someone we love.

Love has the ability to hurt when it fails, and it’s hard not to take it personally because it makes you feel like a failure every time you let go of a relationship. Can falling in love be so powerful and infatuating? Is it so powerful that you fall head over heels into an obsession with the other person?

Even if you make mistakes, remember that every life’s experience is a growth opportunity, a lesson learned. Have faith in yourself. Choose to get the most out of what this life has given you, have self respect and dignity. Laugh and cry, grab a box of Kleenex and cry all afternoon if you need to. When you are ready to let go you will, at the end, he will be sorry he lost you.

Remember what an incredible woman you are and don’t forget to dance while your heart heals.

“For some reason I believed that if you fell in love it was a guaranteed thing that your path would cross with his, and I never wondered how if would feel to fall in love with a man whose future just couldn’t include you.”
― Laura Pritchett

The Perfect Man…

Women may dream about finding prince charming, but does he really exist?  Some of us spend our whole lives searching for the perfect man, though each of us have our own ideas of what a perfect man should be or should look like.  Women’s taste changes as we get older and our idea of a ‘perfect man’ could exist for every stage in our lives.

Example:  As a man matures, it’s important for him to be well educated, hard working, as opposed to being an athletic or good looking.  Also someone that is honest and trusting are two important factors along with communication.  So as a woman, what is it exactly that we are searching for?

Do we really need a perfect man or do we just need a special guy who can accept us the way we are and makes us feel special? I know that I am not perfect, I think that none of us are, we should just look for someone who can make us happy.   And if you are with someone, and that person doesn’t make you happy, maybe you just haven’t met him yet.

P.S.

To the one I love, you might not be the ‘Perfect Man’, but you are definitely the perfect man for me.

Love and Loss…

A friend of mine has been struggling lately with her relationship.  A lot goes into a relationship and it’s hard to determine whether to let go or continue holding on.  The end of any relationship is difficult and if it doesn’t work out, the hardest part is coping with the break-up.  You allow people to get close to you; you make them a part of your life and a fear of mixed emotions float through your mind.

It’s hard to lose someone you care about; it’s like losing a part of your life.  And the hardest part is coping with the pain you feel.  If you are angry or hurt, let yourself be angry and hurt, it’s normal.  Though you are missing him/her like crazy, spend time with your family and friends.  Try hard to focus on the present and keep in mind that you are not alone.  Remember that very few people get to know us as we really are.  Keep an open mind and an open heart.

In the words of Alfred Lord Tennyson, “Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all”.

Loving My Eccentric Aunt…

Okay, I know that relatives can be a little overwhelming and among all of them, there’s always an aunt that can be somewhat eccentric.  I happen to have an aunt who resembles Betsy Johnson, the American fashion designer.  Same blonde hair, but picked up in a pony tail and same bangs covering her forehead.   Even the style in which she dresses is rare.  She is not restricted to other people’s opinion and seems to live a free life.  Some people might look at her strangely, yet I admire her for who she is, and how she perceives life.

At a family gathering, my eccentric aunt sat right next to me and started asking me for advice; little does she know that I write about this stuff.  After many years of being alone, she now seems to be writing to a friend, on-line.  Someone who she apparently likes a lot, and by what I read on the emails, the feeling seems to be mutual.  Of course, as I was talking to her, I thought to myself, shouldn’t I be taking advice from her, after all she is about 20 something years older than me.   Something is wrong with picture?

Did I try to give her the best advice I could?  Of course I did.  Did I encourage her to move forward with her new profound relationship? Absolutely!  After all, what are the odds of finding your perfect partner after a certain age?  Relationships can be complex and tricky at times, so falling in love late in life can be so wonderful.  I’m a firm believer of not giving up on love, no matter what age.  And at the end of the day, I was definitely not going to ruin her moment of happiness.

It might take some of us a while to find our true love and sometimes a while feels like forever.  But I can assure you, that when you do find the one person that you’ve been waiting for all your life, it will fill you up like nothing you have ever experienced before.  It will be invigorating.

Word of advice, no matter what age; If you’ve got it, flaunt it! 

Feeling Safe In Your Own Zone…

Have you ever thought that one of the reasons that you don’t date is the fact that you feel safe in your own zone?  You don’t have to worry about someone turning you down or cancelling a date after you’ve been looking forward to it all day long.  And let’s not mention the emotions which you feel going haywire as you think that you’ve finally met someone special.  Suddenly the fear of dating could very well hit you like a bulldozer.  Meanwhile you just realized that the so called “fear of dating” has been hiding as an excused all this time under you trying to focus on your career and not having time for anything else.  What happens after this?  From experience I will tell you.

You meet someone that changes your daily routine, not to mention your whole world and before you realize it, you’ve just gotten yourself on top of a rollercoaster ride, that’s when you begin to doubt yourself.  The barrier that you had between yourself and the dating world, suddenly starts chipping away and you start feeling some anxiety, nervousness and  fear.  You start examining yourself more.  Does this dress compliment my figure? Are my thighs too big? Is my hair too curly?  What the heck just happened?  

At this point, you’re already in the ball park.  You have two choices.  Your first choice will be your safe zone which is quickly backing away and continuing to live the life that you’ve lived up to now, which is the life that you feel comfortable in.  Your second choice is to go for that feeling that you haven’t had in a long time.  The feeling of having someone not only wine and dine you, but having someone that listens to you, someone that you can have an adult conversation with, someone that you actually feel some kind of connection with and that the two of you feel naturally comfortable with each other.  The smile that begins to form on one’s face when the phone rings or the excitement of receiving a text message.  Scary isn’t it?  (As my cousin would say, Hell to the Yeah!)

My suggestion, make the choice that is right for you.  When in a relationship, there are going to be moments where you are going to feel scared.  It’s natural for us to feel this way.  And yet, at the same time, don’t lose the opportunity to be with someone that you really like, someone that you feel attracted to.  Just to find someone that might actually understand you is definitely worth playing in the ball park.  Learn from your own experiences and not from the experience of others.  Always remember, make your own choices and your own destiny, let no one make them for you.  Embrace it, Enjoy it, let it be your own risk, your own happiness and your own experiences.